Open Letter to James (The Ex)
This was originally written in a semi-drunken state after a rather wild night out with friends. Despite that, I'm just going to put it out there as it is. Read it if you want. Don't read it if you don't want to. Either way, here it is for the world to see.
Dear James,
Well, it has been a year since you left me to "find yourself" and "discover if you could make it as an individual and not as part of a couple". The last year has been hard on me emotionally, physically and financially.
First, losing you was incredibly hard on me emotionally. When we got together I wasn't sure if I could actually let myself love someone again after what had happened in my previous relationship. I let my guard down, let you into my life and you left me. You left me after all those years and went straight into the arms of someone else. Yeah, so much for "finding yourself". I thought I was important to you even after the breakup. I told people "oh, we'll be friends, there's too much between us. You can't just chuck all that love". I realized after Hurrican Wilma I didn't mean much to you after all. You never called to ask if I was okay or even alive. You never wondered if my business had come through okay. I would think the fact that an oak tree was inside of my house might lead you to wonder about my wellbeing, but I guess not. Even then, I still cared about you. Even when Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and my fucking birthday passed without a word from you. Then a call, just to let me know that you didn't think we should keep in contact since your new partner didn't like it. Thanks. That was nice.
The hardest part of all of this is that over the last year I've thought of you just about every fucking day and it fucking kills me! You dropped my ass like a lava rock straight out of the volcano, but I can't get past you and move on. A year later and I still miss you. I still sleep on "my side of the bed". I wonder how you're doing. If life is treating you well. I wonder if he loves you as much as I do, even after all the pain you've caused me. I think I may be permanently broken. I think I've crazy glued my heart together twice and there isn't going to be a third time.
On the plus side, I've found a nice new apartment. Cool neighbours and Lucy Doggie has a bit of grass to run around on and catch a tan. My car is finally completely road worthy and things are improving at work. If you had been in contact with me you'd have know I had the surgery and my heart is perfectly normal now. No more cardioversions and no more PVCs. Made some new friends. Been doing more freelance photography. Traveled a bit more than I did with you. Went skydiving, bungee jumping, diving, jet skiing, water skiing (it ripped 1/2 the hairs off my legs!).
I don't have a man in my life. I've gone out on a couple dates, but nobody is very interesting to me. Honestly, I just "dial a dick" when I need to get off since I've managed to find 3 good fuckbuddies, but alas no boyfriend. Although, having had that HIV scare after you barebacked with that Marine in Key West makes me just a tad nervous about sleeping with anyone these days. Still negative here and planning to stay that way. You'll be happy to know that I don't think you gave me the HPV you caught since I haven't had any sort of outbreaks. Still that sucker could lay dormant for years before something happens so I'll just have to wait a while before I can have a coming out party for it! Just to recap, you 1) Exposed me to HPV and then 2) Had unsafe sex with a stranger while we were on vacation and then continued to have unprotected sex with me. Yeah, you sooooooo loved me. Still, I wasn't entirely without fault. I did photograph someone nude in the house without your permission. I can understand how you were upset by that since it really does compare with the HPV and HIV scare.
Why can't I fucking get over you? Why can't I just let your damned memory go? You obviously are over me and don't give a shit about me so why can't I just get over you and no longer care anything about you? How did you do it? How did you just move on so fast from me and erase me from your heart? What is your secret to moving on?
My own private Year of Hell has come to a close. I'm hoping the next one is the one where I don't think about you everyday. The year I don't wish you well all the time. The year I can just go someplace we used to go together and not think about how we used to go there. The year I'm content to be without you. The year where I can finally say....
Goodbye James
Dear James,
Well, it has been a year since you left me to "find yourself" and "discover if you could make it as an individual and not as part of a couple". The last year has been hard on me emotionally, physically and financially.
First, losing you was incredibly hard on me emotionally. When we got together I wasn't sure if I could actually let myself love someone again after what had happened in my previous relationship. I let my guard down, let you into my life and you left me. You left me after all those years and went straight into the arms of someone else. Yeah, so much for "finding yourself". I thought I was important to you even after the breakup. I told people "oh, we'll be friends, there's too much between us. You can't just chuck all that love". I realized after Hurrican Wilma I didn't mean much to you after all. You never called to ask if I was okay or even alive. You never wondered if my business had come through okay. I would think the fact that an oak tree was inside of my house might lead you to wonder about my wellbeing, but I guess not. Even then, I still cared about you. Even when Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and my fucking birthday passed without a word from you. Then a call, just to let me know that you didn't think we should keep in contact since your new partner didn't like it. Thanks. That was nice.
The hardest part of all of this is that over the last year I've thought of you just about every fucking day and it fucking kills me! You dropped my ass like a lava rock straight out of the volcano, but I can't get past you and move on. A year later and I still miss you. I still sleep on "my side of the bed". I wonder how you're doing. If life is treating you well. I wonder if he loves you as much as I do, even after all the pain you've caused me. I think I may be permanently broken. I think I've crazy glued my heart together twice and there isn't going to be a third time.
On the plus side, I've found a nice new apartment. Cool neighbours and Lucy Doggie has a bit of grass to run around on and catch a tan. My car is finally completely road worthy and things are improving at work. If you had been in contact with me you'd have know I had the surgery and my heart is perfectly normal now. No more cardioversions and no more PVCs. Made some new friends. Been doing more freelance photography. Traveled a bit more than I did with you. Went skydiving, bungee jumping, diving, jet skiing, water skiing (it ripped 1/2 the hairs off my legs!).
I don't have a man in my life. I've gone out on a couple dates, but nobody is very interesting to me. Honestly, I just "dial a dick" when I need to get off since I've managed to find 3 good fuckbuddies, but alas no boyfriend. Although, having had that HIV scare after you barebacked with that Marine in Key West makes me just a tad nervous about sleeping with anyone these days. Still negative here and planning to stay that way. You'll be happy to know that I don't think you gave me the HPV you caught since I haven't had any sort of outbreaks. Still that sucker could lay dormant for years before something happens so I'll just have to wait a while before I can have a coming out party for it! Just to recap, you 1) Exposed me to HPV and then 2) Had unsafe sex with a stranger while we were on vacation and then continued to have unprotected sex with me. Yeah, you sooooooo loved me. Still, I wasn't entirely without fault. I did photograph someone nude in the house without your permission. I can understand how you were upset by that since it really does compare with the HPV and HIV scare.
Why can't I fucking get over you? Why can't I just let your damned memory go? You obviously are over me and don't give a shit about me so why can't I just get over you and no longer care anything about you? How did you do it? How did you just move on so fast from me and erase me from your heart? What is your secret to moving on?
My own private Year of Hell has come to a close. I'm hoping the next one is the one where I don't think about you everyday. The year I don't wish you well all the time. The year I can just go someplace we used to go together and not think about how we used to go there. The year I'm content to be without you. The year where I can finally say....
Goodbye James
posted by PornForPatric.net at 3:08 AM
4 Comments:
Good for you for posting that letter!!! It's good to be honest and open about those things. Supposidly it helps in the process of getting over someone. Never worked for me and my Ex but then we never really stopped communicating like you guys did. The good part is that you are in complete touch with your emotions and feelings. You know what you want and you know what you don't want. Now you just have to wait for your now healthy heart to mend. It will happen. Be patient and enjoy the good things that you pointed out. It will happen eventually.
By the way... So sorry I didn't call you back about Monday. If you are really going to be around Wilton Manors tomorrow I would LOVE to hang out. DInner or a drink or seven. You have my number.
Hey...thanks for your comment on my blog. I just read your letter to James. I cried through most of it..it reminded me so much of what I'm going through with my ex. I'm taking your advice and writing a letter to my ex. Hopefully it will help me stop thinking of him everyday despite the fact that I'm now dating and have very supportive friends and family. Thanks for sharing that letter!
I know this is old now but I had to comment on it anyway. I cried reading this, and I don't cry easily. I know exactly how this feels, because I'm going through it right now. Thank you for sharing this... it's good to know I'm not the only one who can open myself up and really care about someone.
I'm straight but this post expressed exactly how I've felt every day for the last TWO YEARS. I started getting a little emotional during the third paragraph, then at the end of the paragraph I burst out crying. It makes me feel a little better to know that other people feel the same way. Thanks
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